How to GUARANTEE a nervous breakdown with WebAfrica/OpenServe in 8 easy steps.

1] 18 September: Apply for the service. * It is very important that you have a deadline to ensure the nervous breakdown is guaranteed. * Also make sure you choose the R399 deal that states R249 once-off delivery fee. [2] 28 September: Send follow-up email after NO response. [3] 2 October: Read Layaan Valentine’s email stating that WebAfrica is waiting for your order number from OpenServe – which basically gives you no indication of when what will happen. * Very important: Be thankful for the lesson on internal process although you don’t give a damn. [4] 14 October: Make sure to contact WebAfrica after being charged R517 straight to your credit card – especially since you have no router or fibre. And make sure that you are totally baffled as this charge was not stipulated in the option you signed up for. [5] For 100% guaranteed nervous breakdown hope that you then get Ayesha Dhoda to help who promises contact from OpenServe – which really doesn’t give you any indication of when what will happen. [6] 18 October: Try not to react surprised or upset in any way – yes, just suppress it – if Ayesha falls off the radar and you have the extremely unpleasant task of phoning the contact centre. Please hold for 30 minutes and believe Ayesha when she says, “ I am going to contact OpenServe”. Don’t suggest that she escalates the matter. Just believe that god is on your side and although she is not doing anything differently, that the service will suddenly fall out of the sky. [7] 23 October: Ayesha falls over the radar – again. Now you have permission to start moving very rapidly into blood, boiling rage. Call the contact centre; spend 1 hour on the phone; accept that the matter will not be escalated; accept being passed around from one simpleton to the next. In childish fashion lose your cool in ways you did not think possible. Throw those toys. But believe me when I say – it will not result in service, only a nervous breakdown. As that is the point of this exercise remember – see heading. PS: Massive hint: speak to Nazreen who is the first level of escalation – she will put the phone down in your ear. I am sure she is employee of the month for her excellent behaviour judging he standard. [8] 28 October: And so, how quickly 6 weeks pass and here’s the deadline. And no result from Ayesha. Just remind yourself that although there is no result – you will have your nervous breakdown. O, and, you received your router at some point during all this (you were at home by chance and heard a man yelling at your gate) AND invoice of R308.90 (why is this amount more than anticipated – not really interested actually)! Follow up with Rowena Davids this time – also going dark when you ask where you must plug the router into ie no fibre point has been installed? Perhaps she is still on the phone to OpenServe. M