Telkom Came Between me and my Love

<p>Me and Francesca have always had a relationship some people might describe as "fire and ice". But in recent years we have found our rhythym and our love has blossomed along with that rhythym, picking up momentum and starting to feel like a real unstoppable force. The ups higher than before and a lot more frequent than the downs (which are also shorter and shallower).</p> <p>Of course we have our quibbles like every other relationship but they are surface level things that get resolved with a kiss on the forehead or a spank on the bottom.</p> <p>But for the first time in as long as I can remember, something came between us. Something sinister and evil wedged its fumbling hooves between us driving its well documented stake of incompetence. It caused a rift that I haven't seen or felt in a long time. That evil being was Telkom. I'll start from the beginning.</p> <p>As the man of the house the internet falls into my portfolio of duties to manage and deal with. So when fiber became available I jumped at the opportunity. The brochure read "No Telkom Line Required!". I thought good heavens this is too good to be true, and oh boy was it.</p> <p>Not knowing that Telkom had still managed to slide its tentacles into this deal I jumped at the opportunity, and brimming with excitement to stream Conan O Brien youtube videos till my eyes bled and my skin peeled off my body from radiation poisoning I scheduled the installation for that following Monday.</p> <p>The "Fiber People" came to install the line. They did all their "splicing and dicing" and before long I had some cables coming out a wall and a guy using some expensive techno surgery equipment evaluating the line quality. I began to vibrate like a neutrino star with excitement, emitting a nerdy glow, thinking thoughts like "FINALLY, I can begin my career as a professional twitch streamer now.". But lo and behold something was wrong, the technician was yelling out the window to a Fiber Lacky some things I didn't catch.</p> <p>They had to head home and speak to head office about the issue. Dissapointment washed over me like someone had pushed me into a freezing cold pool. My twitch career would have to wait for another day.</p> <p>After reaching out to the ISP several times regarding the issue I found out, to my horror, the issue was with Telkom. I questioned the brochure that Telkom wasn't involved. I was handed some explanation about infrastructure, and my mind immediately went into that gaussian blur state of "sounds like a you problem not a me problem."</p> <p>After being told that I would need to wait for Telkom to fix the issue I fought off the suicidal tendencies and employed some "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" tactics to try and forget that fiber ever existed. It worked. I moved the toaster in front of the cables and forgot for some time. The only reminder was the occasional "whats happening with the fiber?" query from the love of my life. At which point I would call the ISP and was told that I had to wait for Telkom.</p> <p>This didnt really bother me as we were on a 10mb line due to the internet addiction that persists throughout our home.</p> <p>So all of this really didn't put much strain on our blossoming love. The problem was that Telkom, somehow had acquired the contact details of the aforementioned loved one. Somehow, through some miracle or mistake they had determined that there was an issue they needed to resolve. And through some mystical mechanism that only Telkom can understand they acquired Francescas details. They called her to schedule the repairs/installation.</p> <p>I arrived that home that day to a slightly less than happy girlfriend, who mentioned that Telkom had called her during the day re the fiber. I thought "Not sure why they called you but thats wonderful". This was the tip of the wedge. Telkom had unknowningly, through their sheer incompetence and inability to manage themselves started driving in the wedge. With the first call being the initial WHACK of the mallet.</p> <p>WHACK number 2 came in the form of them never arriving to do what they mentioned. Now Francesca has not only be phoned she is now also aware that they never arrived. Slowly my portfolio is becoming hers. This is cause for concern.</p> <p>WHACK number 3 was a phonecall. A Telkom representative calls to schedule a technician, unaware that one was missed. Her only duty is to schedule. They call Francesca again. The wedge starts to drive us apart. Francesca pleeds with her "Maam, you know they missed the last appointment." and goes on to argue. Little does she know she is yelling into a bottomless well of incompetence. This incompetence is multip**** ten fold by their customer management systems that leave call centers with little to no context of the issue, and historical interactions.</p> <p>WHACK number 4 and 5 were additional calls to cancel technicians and reschedule. Now the wedge has done its job. Francesca phones me in a state "how is it possible this is such a disaster etc etc, this was your portfolio etc etc". Now I made the final mistake, me: "Just relax you are getting worked up over nothing."</p> <p>Now I sit, with my relationship in tatters. Some might say I did the bulk of the damage, I broke the cardinal rule with the "R" word. Others will know the truth, that Telkom, in their usual neanderthal style of dealing with customers are the cause of this.</p>