Telkom Call Centre Survival Guide

<p>Telkom doesn't care... I've been without your services since the 26th of August. I have called everyday since then to follow up on my fault number and escalation reference number and every day I get the same script. Your call centre maze is designed to exhaust, your call centre agents are selected based on their ability to exhibit the same levels of apathy that your company culture demands and trained to deflect and diffuse while giving your customers absolutely nothing but a false sense of hope... Telkom doesn't care. It's a sad reality but one we'll all have to live with. But how? </p> <p> </p> <p>Below are a few tips I've picked up from my time in the Telkom Call Centre circle of Hell (this is the 8th circle that your pastor forgot to tell you about at Sunday School) : </p> <p> </p> <p>- Don't worry to punch in the correct number during the voice prompt stage because the call centre lackey will ask you for it again anyways. </p> <p>- Don't bother writing down the names of the people you speak to because everybody that works at the Telkom call center must be on a 1 day contract... You'll never be able to ask the same person why they didn't do something that they promised to do. Continuity, you see, promotes accountibility and Telkom doesn't want its' employees to be accountable to it's customers.</p> <p>- Don't expect anything from the voice you hear on the other side if one crackles into life... I mean nothing. They don't care about your problem, you are just another annoyed voice between them and their knocking off time. (For real **** humans call the Sales Centre) You won't come through to a person with any of the usually human qualities you'd expect to find in a ****sapien capable of thought. Spell everything out to them because they won't draw conclusions and they won't follow any progressive logic. (Also ignore the irritation you hear in their voice when you do this... That's just cognitive dissonance your hearing, it will soon pass)</p> <p>- The "Testing Centre" is where your fault goes to die. If your fault has got to this stage and no further don't expect that it will. You're better off starting again.</p> <p>- Don't call 10210 unless you have at least 30 or 40 LIFETIMES to spare to listen to voice prompts encouraging you to hang up and follow some equally frivolous course of action. This is directly related to the next survival must.</p> <p>- Don't call 10210 unless you have extensive experience in resisting subliminal messaging. Proceeding without said experience could lead you on an endless cycle of frustration and wasted time which could result in severe mental stress. </p> <p> </p> <p>Probably the most important tip of all though is this; Don't believe that because you pay for a service that you are entitled to that service, that would require far more than the veneer of professionalism and social responsibility that Telkom is able to offer you. </p>