How mediocre

“Dear Client, Your cancellation request for your Vodacom device insurance has been cancelled. Queries contact ***. Vodacom Auth FSP”

- A verbatim text message from Vodacom, about 10 days after I canceled the insurance on my device and received confirmation and an audio recording of the confirmation of the cancellation.

I found it too bizarre to respond to or worry about, so I ignored it. Like I sometimes do.

Then today I get this:

“Dear Vodacom Customer.Your monthly device insurance premium will increase to R371 effective 1 May 2021 to align with inflation and the rising costs of repairs and replacements.”

After calling to resolve (i.e. re-cancel) this, I am left waiting, listening to canned, distorted music designed (surely) to provoke even greater feelings of irritation and frustration.

For.thirty.minutes.

The very helpful call centre person (without a word about my 30 min wait) then tells me that my insurance is indeed cancelled, and that I can stop worrying, the message about the insurance premium was sent to all Vodacom clients, regardless of whether they have insurance or not. As if this is a perfectly logical and good thing. The message about the cancellation being canceled is not explained at all. No apologies for wasting my time, and very clearly absolutely zero f&cks given.

ABSA recently made us sign a multitude of printed forms as part of registering a bond on a new property, only to immediately make us sign exactly the same forms again in a cumbersome, patently stupid electronic format that looks, feels and operates as if we got stuck in the 1990’s. One of these forms was their marketing consent form. Among other things, they made us tell them twice that they can’t spam us, and made us sign this in two different ways. Like, you know, they really just don’t give a flying **** WHAT their customers must be thinking

It can only be described as a race to the bottom of non-competitive collusion: In particular all the traditional banks and all the large mobile operators are consistently excelling at plumbing new depths of mediocrity and at finding new and even more offensive ways of showing their clients the middle finger.

To the banks, and the mobile operators: As long as you are all equally, shockingly *******, you can get away with it - but hear me on this: All of this will come back on you in spades as soon as there is even just a half-decent alternative available. I for one will leave so fast the sonic boom is likely to startle you badly. I hope it does.