Uber Eats your food

Oh where oh where to begin. I own a restaurant that uses uber eats. Now, let me tell you what actually happens when you use uber eats to deliver your favourite food from your ever so reliable eatery. Firstly - uber takes an exorbitant commission from the restaurant, normally 30% but we already know this.

Secondly - They also ******* the customer by charging a delivery fee, a service fee, a covid fee (a fee for the flu? ***?) and any other fee they can come up with.

Thirdly - They eat your food. Yes - if you had to check the drivers delivery box 9 out of ten times you will find a tupperware with s****/handfuls of food from various restaurants to feed an entire family (yes, count those pizza slices and check those gaps between the slices - i wouldn't be surprised if they carry their own pizza slicers)

Fourthly - They will pretend they can't get hold of you (this usually happens with large orders) and then disappear into the night with your entire order that you paid for and are very unlikely to get a refund. But then uber will fire the driver you say? Not if the driver doesn’t accept the pick up but still collects the grub.

Fifthly - and my personal favourite - If you phone the driver enquiring if he actually went to goa to fetch your vindaloo - he may tell you that he came to your house and there was someone standing outside who said he had ordered food so he simply gave them the food, no questions asked but sorry ne.

Now, for the fun part. Getting hold of this fine american based company who's call centre happens to be in india (make america great again donald...er sorry...biden). If you do manage to get hold of someone and can deal with the 10 second delay between each sentence they will just tell you to email them and in 6 to 7 years they may take action.

Now naturally these clever cloggs have an amazing get out clause - Blame the restaurant for everything: Food spilled all over the place? Not the drivers fault, the restaurant packed it badly. Delivery taking very long? Restaurant took for ever to make it. Small portions? Restaurant must be skimping....buuurp Incorrect order? Restaurant are a bunch of clowns....(oops I gave Gladys down the road your pizza and now you are stuck with this vegan smoothie that tastes like soil (but did gladys not realize her smoothie was in a pizza box?). You know what I'm getting at :)

Now this is just ubereats - I think we all know what uber taxis get up to...remember, often the guy that takes you home from the pub is the same guy that ate half your ragu pasta you ordered as a hangover cure the very next day...

But why so bitter and scathing grumpy chops? Because, when **** hit the fan and the world got the flu it was the big corporations like uber, woolworths, checkers, mrs zuma, price hiking dischem and so on that ****d and pillaged us little guys pretending they cared about us and our families but it was only their egos and bank accounts that they were and will always be interested in. This is the world we now live in, deal with it.