Sub-Standard Bank

Standard bank is the most mis-managed, frustrating and irritating bank to deal with. Our company ceased to trade in July (ie. it has no money and cannot pay any expenses). Due to this, I have been trying to close our business bank account with Standard bank for the last couple of weeks, with no luck at all. It is completely ridiculous that this bank will not allow you to close an account with them, but it is probably the only way that they manage to stay in business – like Hotel California, you can check in any time you like, but you can never leave… The following is an account of what I have had to endure (and I still have not been able to close this account):

• I logged into SB website banking to see if there is an option to close the account online; there is not. • Then I did a search on Google “close standard bank account” and the first result to come up (ie. at the top of the list) was a conversation from other SB customers via the SB Community website to report that they cannot close their bank accounts either. Not very reassuring. • However, having been unable to find any other info online regarding closing the account, I decided to try for myself anyway and sent an e-mail to *** asking for help (the address given by SB) – I received no reply at all. I know my e-mail was delivered as I received no “undelivered” notification. • After receiving no response to the e-mail, I telephoned the customer care number ***. It is answered by a machine, which gives you a list of options – none of which include cancelling an account or having anything to do with business banking. I tried option 2 (self help) but that did not yield help. And instead of being able to press a button to go back to the previous menu to try another option, the machine just keeps on repeating the same options under self help. I had to put the phone down and call back. • This time, after having to listen to the very long-winded and unnecessary waste of my airtime again, I tried option 3 (help with an existing product) and finally managed to get through to an actual person to speak to. I explained the situation and she advised that I needed to make an appointment with our business manager at SB as that is apparently the only way to cancel. But this account was opened in a Johannesburg branch and we are now living in KZN – do they not anticipate that people will move cities, provinces and even countries!?!?! I advised the lady on the phone of this so she did a search to find out who our business manager was. I was told to send an e-mail with the details to ***. • I drafted an e-mail to Pertunia with the cancellation details and waited eagerly to hear from her. The only thing I received back was an “undelivered, e-mail address unknown”. I had been very careful to ensure I had the correct spelling of her name, so I can only assume that Pertunia either no longer works at SB or that the customer care person gave me the incorrect spelling. Just the sort of ludicrous, continuous inefficiency that I have come to expect from SB. • So I went back online to see if I could find a telephone number for the SB branch at The Glen (where the account was opened). I found a contact number *** (the only one listed for this branch) which I called, only to receive a message “the number you have dialed does not exist”. • So I re-dialed the customer care number, selected option 3 again and, when I could finally speak to an operator, re-explained the situation and asked if she could connect me directly to the business manager at The Glen. She said that would be no problem and proceeded to put me through. The telephone rang and rang and rang with no answer; and THEN I GOT CUT OFF!!!

Ridiculous and ridiculouser, as Alice would say (perhaps SB has gotten lost down the rabbit hole?). I have no expletives left; I have no patience left; I don’t care if this account sits open and attracts fees and interest. It belongs to a business that no longer exists and I cannot get anyone at SB to care or help me, so I’m done. I’m done with wasting my time, my airtime and my data; I’M DONE WITH SUB-STANDARD BANK!!! Interestingly, we also have a business bank account with FNB which I had to close – it only took me 1 telephone call to customer care, 2 words to a very efficient bot and about 5 minutes of speaking with an (also very efficient) consultant and just a little waiting (with a silent hold – so much better than the repetitive and irritating hold message at SB) and everything I had to do to close my account was done!! I even received an e-mail immediately after the call to confirm my call to FNB. Now that is how a bank should operate!! WELL DONE, FIRST NATIONAL BANK – SB, TAKE NOTE!! Goodbye Standard Bank, I will never, ever open an account with you again and I will ensure that I let everyone I know about this. Not that anyone there seems to care…