Apparently Standard Bank do not want new clients

I have been trying to open a new business account at Standard Bank Cresta. The attitude has been one of disinterest, with the banker informing me on several occasions that having directors of a company in different cities is a "big problem" in getting the documents signed. This has dragged on now, finally (after a series of meetings where each time there was some new requirement or document to be supp****, and having rotated through three bankers) I dropped off the remaining required documents on Friday 13 October. The stand-in banker (original was on leave) received them and promised to pass them on. Followed up a week later after hearing nothing, to be told that no documents have been received. Also informed that the banker is "really busy" catching up on her emails from when she was away on leave and...will also be away the following week for two days on training. But someone will phone me on Monday to come and sign the documents to open the account. Monday (yesterday) nobody phones.

The best part is trying to complain about this service today (Tuesday). Apparently nobody can take a call at the Cresta branch. After being connected four times by the call centre the branch manager is apparently not reachable. No complaints number or email on the Standard Bank website because they obviously think nobody would ever need to complain about their brilliant service. Agent in the call centre (after not being able to raise the branch) promises to copy me on an email to the branch manager. So far, no email.

Please don't waste your time with a business account at Standard Bank. Absolutely disgraceful.