Nedbank Lives Up to Its Frightful Reputation

After 20 years with Nedbank, one would expect to have grown accustomed to their shenanigans, but the last few months have brought some of their lowest customer ‘care’ moments which forged my resolve to terminate a deeply unhappy relationship with them. Starting with the frightfully complicated transition to their standard banking option from private banking which I was privy to through my spouse, things have unraveled spectacularly since 2023, largely thanks to the private banking consultant who made a huge mess by deciding I shouldn’t receive my monthly banking statement by post (since I had relocated) or email, a clerical oversight which ultimately cost me when it came to submitting taxes retroactively, because Nedbank charged me for those. When the glorious time came to jettison the awful banking gorgon from my life entirely , despite all the necessary preparations of leaving a few Rands in my account so they could debit me one last time, one of Nedbank’s ‘savvy’ tele consultants informed me I had outstanding amounts due, which of course catapulted me to the nearest branch in Musgrave Centre, where the aunties there primly informed me all cancellations had to go through Nedbank’s call centre. Barely able to contain myself at this stage, I managed to get through to a call centre chap on loudspeaker, for all the attendant aunties to hear, who informed me that many of Nedbank’s tele consultants work ‘under supervision’. Nedbank lived up to, and even exceeded, all my low expectations of them, and their ‘all calls are recorded for quality purposes’ ensure the ongoing service of the very poorest quality indeed. I popped up to Dischem immediately afterwards for a celebratory Gaviscon, to soothe my enormous ulcer I named Nedbank, in honour of its creator.