Inaccessible Funds and Poor Customer Service

Dear Customer Service Manager,

I'm a customer of your bank, and I'm beyond ****ed at the pathetic level of service I've received recently. I requested to withdraw from my fixed account earlier this week, adhering to your astoundingly unhelpful instructions and yet, my funds have remained untouchable, just sitting there mocking me.

I'm not in the habit of repeating myself, but I'll indulge you. I contacted your call center and spoke with an Agent whom advised me to log my request via secure banking, which I managed to do despite not being gifted in the art of computer wizardry. Come Saturday, I still couldn't access my money. Yet again, your beloved Agent assured me she'd escalate it to your apparently weekend-phobic banking team.

Now here I sit on a holiday, trying to transfer funds only to find they are as immobile as a stone statue. I slog through your inane chat system and land on 'Feli', who clearly got a degree in vague responses, as she told me my initial request was unclear – news flash, it wasn't – and that I should log in and specify my needs again.

This show has been downright unacceptable. The funds are urgently required, primarily because I've had to borrow money to cover for your incompetence.

Please resolve this immediately.

Sincerely,