If you're reading this, it's not too late. STEP AWAY FROM ARWYP.

I'm not typically one to post reviews online, my time is too precious to expend energy screaming into the void. However, as a decent human being, I am called to warn anyone considering Arwyp and its doctors as a safe medical institution, to immediately reconsider. To anyone considering Arwyp's coffee shop for a quick bite to eat- you can't go wrong with the cakes, trust me on the red velvet. But I digress. Back to the shocking way in which this hospital is being run.

In May of 1969, a 38-year-old Warren Buffett sat down at a typewriter to inform his investors that he was closing his fund (then Buffett Partnership). His reason: market conditions were such that he no longer had the requisite confidence that he could make good decisions on behalf of the investors and deliver on his commitments to them. So he would stop investing on their behalf.

Warren Buffet is a clever man, he knows exactly when to cut his losses and move on. Today, he is one of the richest and most successful men in the world. And dear Arwyp, just like Warren Buffet, you too can cut your losses, dignity intact and step down. Running a hospital is challenging, knowing what you're capable of, even more so.

Don't despair, ego is a fragile thing and we're all guilty of biting off more than we can chew. Here's a list of alternative business ventures you can pursue once you have closed down the hospital:

1. The world's scariest escape room. It's a common joke among past patients: Arwyp is known as Hotel California, because once you check in, you never check out aka you'll probably die (lol). But back to the idea: Imagine, 12 floors of terrifying fun and games trying to escape a haunted hospital. It's not that much of a departure from what it is at the moment, the initial investment shouldn't be too daunting.

2. The world's biggest restaurant. This is genius, because, honest to God, this hospital has the BEST restaurant, and not in a hospital restaurant kind of way. I'm talking on par with your favourite dining establishment. Like, you can compare their cakes to a Parkhurst Patisserie's; their omelettes are what brunching dreams are made of, and their staff might as well be part of Emirates' first class cabin crew . Another inside joke: what if you replace the doctors with the waiters, because the lord only knows, things will go that much better.

3. A thing you need to know about Arwyp is that they secretly hate being associated with the doctors that work in their facility. It's super convenient in case anything bad happens (which is always). They will simply tell you that it's not their responsibility if a doctor acted in a way that endangered a patient's life. This is both cool and convenient. Which brings me to my next idea: the world's biggest convenience store. 12 floors of garage pies, blueberry ****ins, slightly expired sandwiches. Everything your late night craving dreams are made of. But 12 floors of it. CONVENIENT.

4. A slaughterhouse. No explanation needed.

5. A butchery. No explanation needed.

In one sense, it pains me that it has come to this, for two reasons: I wasted an hour of my otherwise busy day to pen this highly creative business idea (for free) and secondly, it reminds me of the time I almost lost my father towards the end of last year due to a general lack of care on your behalf.

Dear reader, if you're still reading this, I hope it's not too late. You matter, your health matters. The people treating you for whatever it is that you're in hospital for should act like you matter, too. In the same way that one doesn't have to accept bad service from any other place, so one doesn't have to accept it from the very people one's life depends on.

It's been said that there are angels walking among us. I can believe that, but what I do know for sure is that they're sure as hell avoiding Arwyp.