I can heartily endorse Standard Bank for your home insurance if ... ha ha

I can heartily endorse Standard Bank for your home insurance - if you already have a spare dwelling on hand, are lonely enough to want to chat to call centre peeps a few times a day ... and basically have no intention of ever suffering an electrical fault or other mishap that (god forbid) necessitates putting in a claim. Because they are really good at securing new business (just Google and see what comes up first) but are truly useless - actually deliberately evasive, lethargic and ghosty - if, for the very FIRST and ONLY time in your 20-year stint as a homeowner there is a storm that messes up the wiring in your roof. Because then you're on your own (although not, because you keep vainly believing that just one more call will set in motion whatever is needed to restore electricity to your rotting freezer after two weeks). But from bitter experience - I say as write this in the dark with a rocketing data bill - it's probably better to lose hope upfront. And also just stay away from Standard Bank Insurance. Consider yourselves warned.