WARNING CHECKLIST BEFORE MOVING OR EVEN VISITING ST. HELENA BAY

Here is my advice if you do decide to visit or move here to St. Helena Bay on the West Coast of Cape Town… You have been warned: 1. Get a good quality earplug for the weekend 2. Shop on Takealot, do expect a week for delivery 3. Do not employ the guys looking for odd jobs at the corners for a serious handyman or yard job (you won’t see them again), plucking **** seems to be the go-to job. This is what I have experienced and observed within a 4-month time frame. 4. Buy various insectides and products to prevent the above species becoming a daily torture to you. 5. Do not open your windows at all, unless your building is elevated. Invest in an air conditioner. This is off course if you do not mind having the entire jungle in your house , possibly poisoning you and /or your pets. Thus, having said all of this, leaving you in the position of a ‘prisoner’, in your own house. 6. It will be much cheaper to invite friends from Cape Town, that can help you fix things, over a braai, than to pay for a service in this place. 7. There is an extreme dearth of cultural foods, fish and chips and boerekos, is the specialities here on the take-out menu. Oh, how I miss a Durban curry. I should consider opening a business, but from the way I see, I won’t make a lot of money. 8. Stay indoors on hot days as far as possible this place is so humid, (having a desert climate) you will not be able to breath normally when the temperature is over 20 degrees 9. As for ******, remain friendly and stick to your guns, GOOD WILL OVERCOME EVIL 10. Complain, complain, complain. Do not be quiet about pertinent issues. This is the reason why these problems exist to this degree in the first place.