John Dory's Cradlestone Mall: Sushi? What Sushi?

Ah, John Dory’s Cradlestone, where dreams go to die, and apparently, so does your booking! We booked for 16 people on a Monday for a Wednesday dinner. You know, with a solid three-day head start, we figured they'd nail it. Silly us! When we arrived, they generously set up a cozy table… for 10. Because clearly, those extra six people were imaginary friends. After an awkward stand-around while they "made a plan" (which is code for "stare blankly at each other until something happens"), we finally got seated.

But wait, it gets better. We had to go on an Easter egg hunt for the manager just to order drinks. Our waitress? Apparently, she was more of a myth—an urban legend in the restaurant world. Everyone knew we had one, but no one, including herself, could figure out who she was. Talk about next-level hide-and-seek.

Fast forward an hour and a half (yes, you read that right), and 7 out of the 16 lucky souls at our table received their meals. Cold. Because who doesn’t love a lukewarm fish fillet with a side of disappointment? The quality was so... underwhelming, my brother and I seriously debated if we had accidentally ordered off the kiddies’ menu. Our portions were so small that we started wondering if the other 9 meals were just invisible—maybe the chef forgot to turn on the stove while perfecting his magic trick.

But hey, let’s talk about what we really came for—sushi. You know, that thing you order at a sushi restaurant? Well, apparently, at John Dory’s, sushi is less of a meal and more of a concept—an elusive dream that never quite reaches the table.

Out of the 68 pieces of sushi we ordered, we received... wait for it... 2. Yes, two whole pieces. Maybe the other 66 were just too shy to make an appearance. Meanwhile, the tables around us? Oh, they were having a sushi buffet. Plates were stacked high like they were trying to build some kind of architectural marvel out of salmon roses and California rolls. But us? Nah, we were left contemplating the art of waiting while watching everyone else feast.

Honestly, it’s impressive how John Dory’s managed to make a sushi dinner an experience of sushi deprivation. If their goal was to turn the entire table into a group of hangry detectives trying to solve the case of the missing sushi, well, mission accomplished.

All in all, if you’re looking for a restaurant where your booking, your waitress, and your sushi might all disappear into the abyss, John Dory’s Cradlestone is the place. Don’t worry, you’ll leave with plenty of time to hit the drive-thru on your way home!

It was an evening of culinary mediocrity, baffling service, and a lesson in "how not to handle a booking." If you’re looking to leave hungry, thirsty, and confused, look no further. John Dory’s Cradlestone has you covered!