Zombieland

It's a place called Zombieland, and it is now the only port of call for FNB customers who previously had the privilege of calling their branches. Yes, call your local branch, and you are now diverted to FNB's Zombieland call center. You will be bounced for hours between non existent departments by ***********, in-compassionate lifeless zombies hand picked by FNB to ensure that you get zero satisfaction, leave with more questions than answers , and the distinct desire to go down to Zombieland to lop off as many heads with your ax as is physically possible. Of course, you would have to travel to JHB first, unless you are fortunate enough to live there. For the first time in my life, I am considering moving to JHB just so I can pop a few zombies. Alas, all I have at my disposal is the online complaint portal. I complain. I get a call from a zombie in Cape Town about my complaint 6 hours later. Her offering is this and this only this: She just called to let me know she works in one of the Cape Town Branches, and that I cannot ever call her back because.. yes, you guessed it. Any call I make to her will be diverted to Zombieland. I thank her for this most helpful info, commend her for managing to figure out where she works, and that is that. As I put down the phone, I imagine her doing the same, except her hand sticks to the phone and her arm falls off. She looks down and loses an eye.. With her other arm, and a single finger still attached, her remaining eye squinting vacantly at the screen, she slowly punches "Complaint resolved" on her keyboard. She collapses in a rotting heap on the floor. Some guys in white coats drag her off to be dumped. A new zombie is propped up at the desk, and its business as usual.