FNB App Collapse: When Banking Meets Comedy

In a shocking turn of events absolutely no one is surprised by, the FNB Banking App has once again collapsed into a digital heap, and the entire bank is standing around like they’ve just discovered electricity for the first time. Word on the street is the coding for the FNB app was apparently done by the same alien civilisation that built the Pyramids, which explains why fixing it requires cosmic intervention… a level of effort FNB staff have zero interest in providing.

FNB is now officially clueless, helpless, and proudly displaying both traits like corporate badges of honour. But don’t worry — their “best minds” (yes, all two of them) are currently tied up doing something far more important: fighting a losing battle in the Pinetown Small Claims Court under the illustrious case number SC127/2025.

And in a plot twist that deserves its own documentary, when the matter moved to the Durban High Court (Case: 2025/192872), FNB bravely decided to… not oppose it at all. Instead, the bank is reportedly crossing its fingers, sitting in the corner, and whispering prayers into the void, hoping that luck will achieve what competence never could.

This, ladies and gentlemen, is the same institution South Africans trust with their money. We are in deep, deep trouble.

Meanwhile, FNB, we’re still waiting — popcorn in hand — to see how long it takes you to fix the app’s chat feature so customers can actually exit a chat instead of being held hostage. By the way, that little design flaw? Yeah… that’s a POPIA breach. But I’m sure FNB will treat that with the same level of care they treat everything else: none whatsoever.