Exhorbitant excess

I have been with 1st for Women since 2012, but now that I actually want to claim, they are suddenly useless. My husband was driving one of our cars, but he was not listed as the regular driver. Because he was not the regular driver, the excess is R12,000. Since the other driver was entirely to blame, I feel that we should not have to pay the excess (especially since I do not have that kind of money lying around) I have been told by the insurance, that we must pay the R12,000 up front, and only then will the legal team contact the drivers insurance. And they cannot guarantee that we will get the R12,000 back again? So if their legal team don't feel like doing their job, or are having a bad day, we will be down R12,000, for an accident that was not our fault! What is the point of having insurance then?