Discovery may end up killing my baby.

With a pregnancy comes the absolutely excitement of going for that scan and seeing your babies heartbeat. There truly is nothing as amazing as seeing the start of a teeny tiny miracle.

I have had the privilege of experiencing this 15 times. Yes 15 times, seeing that little heartbeat and experiencing the excitement and hope for an incredible future.

But 11 times I have have felt my heartbeat stop as I look at the ultrasound screen and see for myself that there no longer is a heartbeat. That the precious baby I had inside me has died. I have cried and even had my doctor cry with me, both of us at a loss as to why this keeps happening.

I have had mountains of blood tests, even had fetal sample tests done. Each time telling me that my baby was a precious and absolutely healthy baby girl or boy. There was absolutely nothing wrong with each baby but for some reason they where just no longer alive within me.

In April I realized to my absolute terror I was pregnant again. Shortly after I discovered that I was pregnant, I started bleeding. So I packed my bag, headed too the hospital as I tried to process that once again I was loosing another little one.

Too my surprise there was a heartbeat...... I sat there in absolute shock and disbelief. I asked my doctor too please help me do everything we can do to try bring this baby home. I also explained to him that if this little one does not make it then I am done, mentally and physically I just can not loose anymore babies. The struggle of praying, and pleading, too scared to get exited, too scared to not get exited, too scared to get attached and begin to love the blessing inside me.

My doctor ran some tests and we discovered that I have Antiphospholipid Syndrome. With this you can experience terrible clots and in pregnancy you can get a clot in your placenta which blocks the flow of oxygen and nutrition too the baby, this unless treated is fatal for your baby. It deprives your baby of the nutrition and oxygen they need. Immediately my doctor prescribed Clexane and Ecotrin to help thin my blood, thus preventing clots.

Had a scan at 7 weeks and I was terrified but then so blessed too see a strong heartbeat and even a teeny little baby moving around. At 11w5d I went for another scan. The terror within me was insane, I just wanted too know my baby was okay but just soo terrified that my heart and soul would be crushed again. But there on the screen I could see my babies heart beating and even see the baby bouncing around. Kicking off me like I am a trampoline my Dr, husband and myself laughed in excitement to the blessing we were witnessing.

Discovery won't pay for the clexane and I can not afford it.... so my choice stop the clexane and suffer the trauma of loosing yet another innocent baby.....I know the medical aid will pay for yet another D&C, they never deny me that...... I need the Clexane injections to treat this syndrome which is what is helping keep this 12 week old bouncing baby alive.

My heart is broken because without Discovery accepting this is a pmb I just can not pay for the meds and will not be holding our baby in January.