Why can't I close an ABSA account?

I have been trying since the 29th of June to close all my ABSA accounts because ABSA's service is so terrible. I am supposed to have a fance private banker, Lufuno Sebata, to help me but since he or she couldn't br bothered to answer their phone or email I have had no success. I have twice phoned ABSA Private Assist and still no help, even after being on hold for 25min. If Thyme Bank can open an account in 5 min, why is it 3 days and counting for ABSA to close one?