Platinum Banker Joke

According to ABSA, you get your own platinum banker when you sign-up for their Platinum Package. Apparently, this banker can help you with financing cars, homes and a whole host of other fantastic things. When you actually need the Platinum banker for something usefull, like requesting a bank statement with a stamp on it, then apparently it cant be done...... What do you actually get for your R149pm? Quick to take the money, always a story to provide the service.