ABSA keeps promising account closure within 3 days — 3 months later, still charging me

I have been trying for three months now to close my ABSA bank account. I do not use the account, and my gripe is that they keep deducting monthly bank admin fees even though I have contacted ABSA several times over the past three months, begging them to close it. Each time, they assure me the account will be closed within three days.

The first pain point is that none of the branches here in the Western Cape appear to have the authority to close accounts. I always have to sit in the local branch while a phone call is made to head office. After a lengthy call, they assure me all is in order and that my account will be closed within a few days.

Come month end, another bank admin fee goes off, placing my account in arrears again — after they promised the account would be closed and assured me no further deductions would come off. I am sick of this.

I am being sarcastic, but either this multi-million-rand, JSE-listed banking and finance company is so desperate for my monthly banking fee that it can't survive without it, or it is run by ***********s who never built a workflow for account cancellations. Which one is it?