ABSA - Complete lack of service

Walked into the Randpark Ridge branch last week Thursday. Queried what documents I needed to FICA my account. I was told that I needed a copy of my landlords' utility bill and certified copy of her ID, as well as my ID book; no older than 3 months. Went back on the Friday with these forms. Got to the bank just before it closed (15h30 on a week-day when FNB closes at 18h00) and was told that I had the wrong forms and I must come back. Told them I cannot do so on the weekend. Was refused help after following what they told me to do the day before. Was told by the cashier that I needed to bring my landlord with me to sign documents (when I had followed exactly what was needed to be done to FICA my account); I told her that I cannot do this as the store was now closed, except for the few customers in the bank. Was then told by her supervisor that I need to bring anyone else, other than my landlord, who lives on the property with me to sign in agreement of my details (this makes no sense whatsoever as nobody but my landlord would have signing power over the fact that I reside as a tenant on her property).

Two people, two different instructions as to what needs to be done to FICA a bank account that I've had with them for 21 years.

Immediately went to open an account at FNB which took me less than an hour. Pure joy, especially with regards to their operating hours.

20 October 2017 16:50 - Wrote about this issue on the ABSA Facebook page, they never approved my post. 24 October 2017 10:18 - Commented with a copy of my original complaint on an ABSA post on their Facebook page. ABSA decide to delete my comment. And still have not approved my post to their timeline, clearly to avoid other clients reading about my experience. This makes me wonder what else they aren't approving...

24 October 2017 10:20 - Emailed a copy of the exact same documents that I had with me at the ABSA branch in Randpark Ridge, as I had been advised in a private inbox message from ABSA in response to the copy of my message on their FB post. They never called, nor gave me feedback as to if their has been any progress made with the FICA process on my acount.

Today, 26 October 11:07, I contacted them on Facebook, asking what the status was on my FICA status. Received no reply. 39 Messages later, and I receive a message that helps in no way whatsoever:

"Hi Julian, once again we would like to apologise the inconvenience that has been caused regarding the FICA status of your account. Please have a look at the following link for more info on the documentation that we can accept to update your profile. https://www.absa.co.za/legal-and-compliance/fica-information/"

Yet they have MY money in my account and cannot grant me access to it:

They still have not informed me as to what the hell is going on with my account and the ABSA banking site states that it takes up to SEVEN WORKING DAYS to FICA a users' account details.

So, 9 more days until I can possibly access my money.

Not on.